Online Dating

I have an OkCupid account. Meh, no biggie, I check it every 2-3 days. I often just don't respond to messages I'm not impressed with, but every so often there will be someone interesting. (Hence, I continue to use the site.)

First off, here are my three general rules:
1. If subject is shorter than me, I move on immediately. Sorry. It's a thing I have.
2. If subject is balding, I move on immediately, regardless of age.
3. If subject is not my type (read: fugly), I will straight up hide them from me on the site from then on.It's an option, so I'll damn well use it.

So, those three usually lead me right. I've blocked a rando or five, but it's usually pretty tame. There are sometimes, though, that I feel morally obliged to report creeps for the creep things they say.

The best/worst part, though, is that it shows you who has been to your profile (There are guys who have been coming to my profile for months and haven't messaged me. Like I said, creeps.). So I know when I click on a guy's profile, he'll be able to tell later. And then, when I don't message him, he knows one of the three rules has taken effect and poof. It's easy, low-stakes judging.


I had one date and one VERY brief fling with a two different guys I met on OkCupid, and meh. Not any worse than bar guys, so for now, it'll do...

New Shoot!

Aaack, I'm so excited. I just met up with one of my photog pals, Ben Duarte, and he gave me a CD of images from a shoot we recently did! My friend Andres stepped in as the man candy. I'm loving these pics realllly hard.

Photography by Ben Duarte. There are a bunch more, you can check them out at my Facebook page!

I Really Can't With This Mess...

My mother has said a few things to me throughout my life:
1. "Just use a condom."
2. "Have you put on deodorant and brushed your teeth?"
3. "When I can't drive and keep my mouth closed at the same time, you need to start driving me."

I'm here about number 3.

I was recently grocery shopping, and as I went to leave the parking lot, this is what I saw:

 

 

On the sidewalk by the wreckage, there sat an elderly man who had NO business driving in the first place, and.... that was it.

HE DID THIS BY HIMSELF. 

No help from anyone, there was no collision, he was unhurt. Meanwhile the police, a fire engine, and an ambulance was dispatched. You're wasting tax dollars, Gramps.

Old people: STAY HOME. We still love you, but STAY HOME.

Crazy people are funny sometimes.

This morning, I was awoken by SERIOUS stomach pains, which were caused by the party trots. Then, just as I was falling back into a fitful sleep, my brother called from the loony bin.
Now, when I say my brother called me from the loony bin, that's no euphemism. I mean he's in an actual mental institution. He's thought people were after him for a little over a year now, and the fact that nobody has made an attempt on his life in that time is apparently not enough to convince him otherwise. At this point, however he thinks he'll be okay because he is "Jesus". I'm not kidding. He thinks that he IS Jesus.

Basically he's five years away from being Laura Linney's Brother in Love Actually. Except that I'm not passing up Rodrigo Santoro dick (or any other kind, for that matter) to deal with his crazy ass.

My mentally ill brother was calling to see if I would go to a gun range with him. Specifically, take him to a gun range. (If that doesn't immediately put you off, please read a second time.) So, bro thinks that people are doing voodoo to make his brain melt (because it couldn't be the PSYCHOTROPIC DRUGS), that he is Jesus, and that other people are out to get him. He has just told me a list of things that he thinks to be evidence that someone is performing voodoo on him. The list only proved that he is, indeed, fucking crazy. I'm talking about hearing voices and feeling people blowing on his face.

Am I crazy? Does he think I'M crazy (too)? Who would willingly take a crazy person to a gun range and then hand them a gun? Isn't there a screening process for that?!

He's lucky I even picked up the phone. REAL TALK. At this point, I'm not sure why I did. Maybe in my almost-asleep-haze I figured I'd get it out of the way while I was experiencing painful diarrhea, instead of doing something that I enjoy.

Oh Hai!

So, this is my first attempt at a blog. (Besides Livejournal, which I think anyone would agree does not count.) My idea is to tell funny and dumb stories that I encounter in my travels as a "pretty person". The reality is I judge everyone, so it will probably spill out to everything and everyone else. Either way, I doubt I'll run out of material.